It appears as though some children are out of control, having little respect for their parents. If you have ever watched the show “Super Nanny,” then you know exactly what I mean! The reason why children act out is because they are trying to gain attention, and thus affection; and because they are not receiving one-on-one mentoring, guidance, and correction that models the right behavior. This is why discipline is important. The writer of Hebrews said,
“My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; for whom the Lord loves He chastens, and scourges every son whom He receives . . . If you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons” (12:5b-6, 8).
This passage speaks about God’s relationship with His children (believers); however, we also learn something about parenting. Those who sincerely love their children will chasten them; and whenever they refuse, they are communicating a message that says, “You are illegitimate, and a ‘bastard’ (KJV); and worthless, needing to be tossed to the curb.”
Hebrews uses the word “chasten,” which is defined as, “correction by punishment.” With this understanding of chastening in mind, today’s society usually frowns on the idea of intervening in a child’s life. Proverbs, however, states, “For whom the Lord loves He corrects” (3:12). Chastening is simply “correction,” and the NIV uses the relevant word “discipline.” We need to understand that there is a huge difference between discipline and punishment.
In the book Growing Kid’s God’s Way, Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo tell us, “Today, we socially define discipline to mean spanking or punishment, but true biblical discipline refers to one thing - heart training.” “It comes from the same word as disciple - one who is a learner.” Discipline is not punishment, for it is defined as, “to bring to a state of order and obedience by training and control.”
The key word is “control” - not inflicting control, but being in control of oneself. Caesar Millan, on “The Dog Whisperer,” was speaking about the difference between “punishment” and “discipline” in relation to dog training. He stated that punishment comes from frustration and anger, and there is emotion behind it. Discipline is just reminding the dog that he broke the rules, boundaries, or limitations, and then setting him back on the right track. It is done simply, instantly, and without emotion.
When God chastens or disciplines us, He is not lashing out in anger, but instead nudging us back on the right path. The Lord gently guides us because, as verse 6 says, He loves us. We discipline children because we love them and want them to succeed in life. Proverbs 19:18 reveals this truth: “Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.” Discipline results in life, and leads to a better way of living and fewer costly mistakes.
If you wish to see your children walk the path of godliness and success, then spend time with them, becoming a model of Christian love and just behavior; and don’t be afraid to show some tough love every now and again in order to remind them where they broke the rules or boundaries. Be calm and collected, keeping your cool, while being unafraid to confidently set your children back on the right track.